the dreaded “d” word… diet. I loath that little four letter word because it has been part of my life for the better part of 20 years. And this week, after going a whole year without “dieting” I am once again a product of my lack of self control. Almost 20 lbs. in a year! Damn you skinny boyfriend with high metabolism, damn you fry daddy, damn you 9pm dinners, damn you beer.
See, I CAN blame everyone else but me 🙂 Well, that shit’s over with. I’m done, finished, kaput!! I’m the one that agreed to a fry daddy in the house, wings twice a week, beer constantly in the fridge, so I’m the only one that can stop myself. So here we go, I can do this…. yet again.
I started my weight loss journey almost 20 years ago. Started a size 14/16 (at 5’3″), I was more than a little chubby, i was obese. After years of working out in the gym, eating 6 times a day, protein shakes, etc. I had manage to loose 50lbs. then just stopped out of sheer exhaustion and burnout AND the fact I couldn’t loose that last 25 I was wanting to loose. I was able to keep it off without much trying. After such a bland diet for almost 15 years, you just don’t jump back into eating french fries without major stomach issues. A couple of years ago, I joined Weight Watchers the rest fell off quick. Over 25lbs in less than 12 weeks. I was stoked. Running out of money for meetings, but stoked none the less. Managed to get to 118lbs.
Now, for whatever reason, my body looks like crap at 118. You would think that at 5’3″, I’d pull off 118 with no problem. But I look like one of those Hollywood chicks walking around on the red carpet with bones and joints sticking out all over the place. I looked like crap, acknowledged I looked like crap, but enjoyed being able to say “no, i can’t wear that size 2, it just falls off of me”.
Well, I’m back to 136lbs. and have NO clothes to wear!!! I threw all my size 5 “fat clothes” away. Now I’m looking like a stringed sausage link trying to get my lumpy ass (actually, my problem is my belly) into size 2’s so as not to walk around in public naked.
I don’t want to go back to 118. W, my boyfriend, likes a little meat, and I can appreciate that, so I’m looking to 125 as a goal. I do want to start back to the gym to do some lifting, so if I don’t make it to 125, I’ll be cool with that, as long as it’s muscle weight and not fat weight.
I started this trip down diet lane 5 days ago and using the Weight Watcher principles have managed to dump 1.5 lbs. already, so YEAH ME! Let’s just hope I can manage the weekend. Weekends suck ass when your dieting.